I know there are a lot of parenting cynics out there. None of it worked, because it wasn’t true, and because, as an educated professional I had enough money to spend six figures on an attorney. Well sadly, when the privilege of knowing ‘your child’ has been taken away from you and there’s nothing at all that you can do about it, then sometimes it doesn’t feel like your child is yours anymore and it is easier to distance yourself from the situation to save yourself from further heartbreak and pain. Do not call or text him or the kids frequently during their visits. When the mom asked him why he didn't return the daughter's phone calls, he replied: “I don't have anything to say.”. ... You still don't want to see her (or any therapist right now) -- and that's all there is to it. But the advice the mom told me that was most surprising and helpful was this: Here, a dad explains: “Why I don’t see my son.”. Divorce and family courts are designed to make attorneys rich by incentivizing all parties to fight to win. Parenting is hard. Just consider it. I almost gave up. Women are conniving, malicious, entitled nut-jobs who alienate fathers from their children while taking all said fathers' money — all of which is supported by the family court system. I don't want my child anymore! Winner of Parents magazine’s “Best of the Web” and a New York Observer “Most Eligible New Yorker," her #1 bestseller, The Kickass Single Mom (Penguin), was a New York Post Must Read. So, yeah, it’s hard. … Unfortunately, our culture dismisses fathers, and fatherhood. More on this in: Close the pay gap? Im sick of trying to explain to my friends why our fridge is filled with beer, house smells of smoke, and why there's holes in door. The literature finds very clearly that in cases where there is conflict between the separated parents, and when parenting time is heavily weighted in favor of one parent over the other (such as the every-other-weekend, Wednesday night arrangement, which constitutes 14 percent of hours in a month), the parent with the lesser time with the child has a very high chance of checking out of the kid's life. He is a brilliant child with a lot of qualities and talent. The research is there: When one parent is marginalized in their children's lives, they tend to check out. See what other people are asking and the advice they're getting. In three words: You will lose. As mothers — which are granted primary custody in 80 percent of cases that go to court — we can influence these things in powerful and positive ways. I want to live with my dad but my mom said I couldn't 'cause she wouldn't let me. How can I help you?”. Your email address will not be published. This is not just a child saying " I don't want to see Dad" and you just let them. When children don't want to visit Children express resistance to staying with their other parent in different ways. He only wants to see them for holidays or birthdays and even then it is only for an hour or so. I'm filing for divorce trying to do it on my own but I've come to a glitch. See also: How do you cope with estrangement? Their dad cheated and left years ago. Sometimes I see children in shops that look like my child and find it hard not to break down. The world tells men they are incompetent, bumbling parents. It is hard. Would you have preferred him to refer to the child as ‘My Child’ instead of ‘The Child’?. You take parenting as a responsibility — not an extracurricular activity. You got one big issue on your hands .your way of life is not for my child .its late to make a move but better late then never.i refuse to be dictated bye you who do you think you are honestly proves my point again that you should not be in charge of bree .poor judgment you have .i don’t want you to leave the house so I can visit .i want full custody. them stay up late, and letting them spend the night at his sister’s house even though you hate her so much about that thing that happened at Nice guys, but bumbling idiots, and as parents, clearly inferior to mothers. I still believe this, but I also believe in empathy, and for recognizing each other's humanity. I don’t want my child anymore — can child welfare come and get them? Kids grow into teens that say hurtful things and make bad choices and tend not to follow their parents advice. The hopelessness became overwhelming. I just kept saying to my self. This is only changed if proof of neglect or abuse can be made against one of the parents. What if you don't want your adopted child anymore, then what? If you are separated or divorced, don't call the kids all the time when they are with him, or otherwise control his parenting. BetterHelp review — is this online therapy site legit? There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about it. Maybe … I hope my absence, my lack of phone calls and text messages, give us the space we need to reflect, to evaluate, to understand each other better. Your children may already be adapted to going to daycare but, for some reason, they suddenly don’t want to attend anymore.